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Almost every cancer survivor has had a verbal exchange with one of the "healthy unaware" that has left her angry, hurt, or speechless. Unlike questions from your doctor, which are intended to elicit useful information that can be used to plan your treatment and control side effects, often the casual acquaintance is just a little too curious or honestly uninformed.
What you choose to do or say to remarks like these depends on what consequences you're willing to endure. In most cases, the classic reply from Judith Martin (also known as Miss Manners), "Now, why would anyone say such a rude thing?" is right on the mark, but not always socially adroit.
In instances where consequences do matter, you might want to try one of the following replies. These responses are listed only as suggestions; there are no answers that are right for all settings and all personalities. Your style might be completely different, but it's sometimes helpful to know that these kinds of rude questions have been asked of others and that a few people have found comebacks that were satisfying to them. If someone asks you a rude or outlandish question, there's no rule that says you must be serious in return. Nor do you have to stretch to comfort the person who asks it, as if her discomfort with your illness were the most important issue:
• The profound thought. A deliberately obscure reply, perhaps quoting something in a foreign language that sounds impressive, but is meaningless. Latin is a good choice because so few people speak it anymore. How many people know, for instance, the CIA's motto, "Veritas vos Liberabit" ( "The truth shall set you free")? They needn't know you're having fun at their expense. They'll just think that cancer has made you a better person, a deep thinker. And they're right, aren't they?
• The escape. "Gotta go! Time for my bungee-jumping lesson." You can, of course, substitute basket-weaving or yodelling lessons if you think this person might actually be a bungee jumper.
• The sympathetic noise. You can say, for example, "Thats an interesting point of view," or "You appear to have given this a lot of thought." These replies give the other party's ego the attention she’s trying to get without committing you to agreement, continued dialog, or revealing intimacy They're also good transitional phrases for shifting the conversation to a less offensive subject.
• The reckless handling of truth. Miss Manners also says that those who ask nosy questions deserve to be lied to.
• The mysterious telephone disconnection. If you're being annoyed by someone on the phone, wait until you're doing the talking, then press the disconnect button. Nobody would ever suspect you of hanging up on yourself until it happens several times, after which they might take the hint.
If you prefer the head-on approach, here are a few of the most disturbing and least informed reactions that some lung cancer survivors have encountered, and a few suggested replies, factual or saucy:
Q: Do you smoke?
A: About 80 percent of lung cancers are linked to smoking. This means that, statistically, you can skip the nosy questions with four out of five lung cancer survivors you meet.
A: Smoking is linked to several other cancers besides lung cancer. Do you ask people who have had pancreatic, bladder, esophageal, kidney, or rectal cancer if they've smoked?
Q: How long does your doctor say you have?
A: Why? (Beady eye contact and flared nostrils.) A: She says I'm still safe buying green bananas.

Q: You look so bad /thin /pale/et cetera.
A: Actually, I've gained ten pounds, my blood pressure is down fifteen points, and last weekend I walked in a six-kilometer race.
A: My, what a lovely smile you have! Are those your own teeth?
Q: What happened to your beautiful hair?
A: Oh, this hair. I borrowed it from a friend.
Q: God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. A: My God is too kind to be that petty.
Q: It seems like it always comes back.
A: It's not possible to make accurate generalizations about lung cancers because there are several types and several stages.
Q: You deserve what you got because you smoked.
A: I'm sorry to alarm you, but life has a 100 percent mortality rate. This means that your turn will come, too.
Sources of support
Many professional sources of support exist for cancer patients and survivors. Here are some suggestions.

According to a survey most of us either think pollution is more likely to cause lung cancer than smoking -- or don't know which is worse. Quitting smoking -- or never starting in the first place -- is the most important thing you can do to lower your risk of lung cancer.